Philosophy

One of the best questions to ask a potential therapist is "How do you think you can help me?" Professional credentials are important, but the sense of "fit" has a huge impact on therapeutic outcomes. Let me explain more about my personal treatment philosophy, so you can reflect on whether working with me would be right for you.

How do I understand emotional pain?

My personal clinical philosophy is that most mental health symptoms are rooted in the struggle to effectively tolerate and process emotions. When we encounter challenges in life, we have normal emotional responses such as fear, stress, anger, sadness, etc. When our capacity to cope cannot keep up (this happens to all of us at times), our brains and bodies can be overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions we feel. Then we end up releasing the excess in the form of maladaptive behaviors, or suffering through mental health symptoms. Sometimes we can seem fine in the moment, but the excess is being stored away in our bodies and brains, in an unprocessed form that can burst out unexpectedly and affect our thoughts, feelings, and behavior in frustrating ways.

Emotional pain results not from bad things happening to us, or from making bad choices, but from the rupture in the relationship with yourself that is a result of those events or choices. When we can't trust ourselves, or forgive ourselves, we feel tremendous emotional pain, and we struggle to live the life we want.

What is the goal of therapy?

Of course everyone has different goals and objectives when they start therapy-- behavior change, symptom reduction -- but underlying those sorts of changes must be an increase in self compassion. This is the understanding that you are not unique in your challenges, that it is ok to have faults, and that you are deserving of love and acceptance. Self compassion is the primary feature of a person who is mentally well, not a lack of symptoms. A self compassionate person can be kind to themself through everything, and that makes all the difference.

You can also get better at processing your emotions. The goal is not to never have negative emotions, but rather to be able to feel them in more manageable ways, so you no longer have to fear them. You can't control what life throws your way, but you can increase your ability to sit with and digest your emotions so that they can be released from your body. This allows you to function better and problem solve more effectively, moving forward in your life according to your values and with greater self confidence.

How do we get there?

It is my job to guide and support you as you reflect on your experiences. I will help you discover the roots of your suffering, and identify your strengths and inner wisdom. I will offer some possible paths towards your goals and stand beside you as you begin to move forward. I will teach you skills to help manage your symptoms right away, and help you with strategies for creating change in your behaviors or relationships. Through talk therapy, many people are able to shift their relationships with others and themselves, which can greatly reduce the bothersome symptoms and behaviors. Others find that despite having gained a lot of insight into their patterns, and despite having learned many good skills, they are unable to create the change they desire. Here I recommend trying EMDR to find deeper resolution.

How might EMDR help me?

If you are ready and interested, I will help you practice allowing your emotions. I will use the tools of EMDR to modulate the intensity so it is manageable, and will create a safe space for this practice. Once you have increased your comfort with feeling emotions and seen that you can process them, we can begin to target the beliefs or past experiences which are getting in your way. EMDR can be very helpful with letting go of painful emotions or irrational negative beliefs that are stored deeper in the brain, and are harder to change with insight and cognitive strategies alone.

For more info on EMDR, see the flier linked below.